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Saturday, January 15, 2011

day 12: procrastination and some other things I'll mention later

Today I found time to appreciate wasting time. Procrastination can be a bit of a crutch for me on occasion, but it's not the debilitating, shameful cycle of self destruction I often let it become in my mind. In my mind, any day-time not spent accomplishing errands or tasks, making money or doing things for the band is time wasted. It's a challenge to tell myself that it's okay to slow down. That humans were never meant for constant productivity. That slowing down to enjoy things is part of this whole process I'm going through. 

   I've met (and dated) people who were actively ambitious 24 hours a day and I truly admired it. I thought these people had some sort of magical inner drive that made them super human, destined for success. It might be the path for some types of success, but one thing I learned from being close to these people is there's often little room for anything else. Including little room for me or my wants/needs as a friend/lover. Those relationships rarely lasted.

   If that's the incumbent cost of being that driven then I call the cost too high (and day 9 showed me better than to want something for myself because of how I want to be perceived). Last night a had a really good time with some friends. Today I removed exactly %34 of the associated drink containers, paper plates and napkins from around my apartment (from that description I apparently hosted a 4 year old's birthday party) and then spent the remainder of the day playing video games, napping and going to my friend's CD Release (which was AWESOME, thanks for asking). I revelled in some procrastination and yet still have a doubtlessly productive week ahead of me. The guilt is smaller today than it's ever been. Still not perfect, but getting better.

   I feel this subject begs even further exploration…  ehn, I'll do it tomorrow.

I like the irony of the post below opening with a line about procrastination. It actually was void of it, all the more reason to let saturday go to waste.

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