My brain's a little fried after a pretty busy day, but Immo relate a little sum-in, sum-in best's I can.
A few days ago I asked a couple of friends if they wanted to get together to do some shopping (since I'm realizing most of my current clothing I owned in high school, 8 years ago, and I am not very good with style). This particular couple of women are two of a group of four that I still hang out with from college. They are without doubt, some of THE most remarkable women I know. Energy, strength, intelligence, integrity, and all drop-dead gorgeous. Somehow in this group I've become the surrogate "gay-guy", wherein a girls night out usually includes me and no subject is taboo (which only occasionally has me blushing and quite frequently has me going "you guys do WHAT?"). I personally don't mind (although it does add to the seemingly endless supply of amazing/ly unavailable women in my life) in fact, I appreciate the refreshingly candid conversations. At this point in our friendship, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Back to the topic of today, we decide before we get together to get some brunch, so at 10am this morning I find myself on the queencar headed east. My impression was brunch at 11am, but in one message we had apparently ball parked 11am-Noon and I didn't catch it. Regardless, it takes me about an hour to transit downtown so I set my alarm, got up early, showered, and made my way forthwith.
I got there early (about 10:40am) but didn't really mind. Pulled out my iPod (on which I'm reading Freud's Dream Psychology) and settled in. At 11:10am I get a call from one girl asking what my status was, was I on transit or still at home?
"Well, no, I'm already here."
"Oh! Crap, cause [other girl] was hoping we could make it noon. But it's okay! I'm rushing, I'll see you soon!"
About 20 minutes later the first woman arrives, and not until 12:30 does the second. We know the shopping trip needs to be done by 2:00pm and by the time we're done eating and chatting the clock has basically run out.
I bring this seemingly trivial story up to make only a small point, and this actually follows in nicely with our original theme. Plans you make with friends have a funny way of taking on a life of their own. I've often met those completely comfortable in these situations, but that has not been me by nature. For me, planning the correct amount of time, staying on schedule and doing the activities you had set out to do in the outset was VERY important. It's that conversation again of control and over-compensation. You would find me shuffling things along, moving a group on to the next event on the list (Wonderland used to drive me up the fucking wall), and trying to make sure that the day ran as smoothly as possible. I'd like to attribute this to some overly developed sense of maintaining efficiency, like I came out of the womb a little foreman, but the truth is, it's losing control of something you thought you understood that's both terrifying and disabling. I felt I could manage it if I took charge. I'm pretty sure it often drove people nuts.
Today was a mirocosmic example of this, and I have never been more comfortable and more conscious of the effort it some times takes to 'let it be'. Not because I was struggling really, but because I was choosing to be really aware in the moment. And more importantly I was choosing to live in the moment, not past expectations, and the moment was good. There are times where keeping something on track can be great and improve everyone's experience (hence the occupational tour guide), but when it comes to close friends, some times the best plan is not to plan at all. If you surround yourself with the right people (and I always do), that will often be better than any get-together you could pre-ordain.
This whole blog I felt like I was writing through some sort of exhaustion delirium. I'm certain it must be mostly nonsense. Fuck it! Summing up, Manda, Camo, Payi and Jomeara (I made that last one up just now), you are all amazing women. I wish only the best for you, and when it's in my power, will make it so. Tomorrow I will write during the day and it will make more sense. And I will say something SO relevant, it will blow your mind all over your face. Today I also danced, chatted with the girl from day 2 and played games with three good friends on the projector I borrowed from work for "presentations" using my PA system as speakers. Hell yeah. The blog can suffer a little if I get to have days like these. Much love!