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Sunday, January 23, 2011

day 20: love, lessons and luck

Post 20! Post 20! That's a neat looking number! I'm gonna be a great parent because I'm content to celebrate anything and everything that happens as a milestone. You brushed your teeth? Woot woot! Here's some candy corn! You win! (Anyone who's eaten candy corn knows, nobody wins)

Today's post is about hesitation (woo! He picked a subject! Everybody dance!!!).

   A couple of years ago I started frequenting a local gym. There was this girl there that guh. To be honest, there were a couple of girls there that "guh", but this one girl really struck my fancy. Beautiful brown hair, big eyes, and best of all, a killing smile. Naturally, she was also super kind and sincere and seemed to have a good sense of humour (or at least, she was sympathetic enough to laugh at my jokes). Other than these things, I knew nothing about her.

   Now it should be known that I generally try to swim against the current when it comes to making advances on women. Which is a really deceptive way of saying, I got no game. It's not that I don't know how to talk to women, I know how to talk to anyone, it's rather I'm not sure how to engage in THAT conversation. I just know it should never involve the words baby, sweetness, suga', or shawty (although most other conversations should involve the word shawty). It should also exclude whistles, clicks, hoots, hollers and direct comment on the exact volume of junk in someone's trunk. Yes, this DOES let the woman know you're interested (something that actually goes a long way, or so I'm told), but I think presuming pet names (or using sounds you would use to call your pets) is a negatory. This is mostly speculation, but it's served me well so far. What hasn't served me, is timing (ironic, given my profession).

   The problem with timing is that it's so dependent on factors you have no way of knowing or controlling. At a glance, there are no ways of really seeing if a woman is ready to be in a relationship, be in a relationship with someone like you, or is ready to be approached in any way at all (unless she's balling her eyes out. Maybe take it easy there, Don Juan). You might feel a great connection, you might feel like the conversation is stimulating and engaging, that the mood is right and the chemistry is there, and it could still blow up in your face. I've had this happen and it has often left me holding the bag with mouth agape, thinking, buhwuuuuuh? It's a never-ending process, learning not to take those personally, but it does get better.

   So what can you do? Well, with this girl I simply waited. I didn't know where she was at, and to be honest, we hadn't even really had the time to see if any of the rest fit - connection, conversation, chemistry - seeing as our encounters were chance and short. So I waited, as though through the once every two weeks I saw her I was going to learn her deepest secrets and know EXACTLY when to strike. And by strike, I mean sheepishly ask for a coffee, probably mis-conveying my intentions altogether and look like a spineless git in the process (I'm told that's a bad thing in England... *shrug).

   Well, wouldn't you know it? Late that summer, she got a boyfriend. She was so happy to tell me. I was so… happy for her too. That's a funny misnomer. Maybe in a way we're happy at their happiness, but we still hope the new "boyfriend" gets hit by a car. Or that she finds out that he trips orphans. Turns out he didn't. And he doesn't. Lame.

   The lesson here was, in most cases, you're never going to know. There's never going to be a better time than now to take a chance on a girl (or guy). If it's a "yes", grand! If not, there's still a possibility a "no" now might become a "yes" when they're ready. I'm not saying wait for it, I just mean it happens, and is further proof that "no" often has nothing to do with you. Worst case scenario, a "no" stands the test of time and if it does, whatever you hoped would come of it wasn't going to, regardless of when you asked. Actually, worst case scenario she tells you right off the bat that she never wants anything to do with you, then sets your house on fire and kicks you in the change purse. In which case, aren't you glad you didn't waste years of your life pining after a psycho? Now you can move on!

   It's also good to know that some times hesitation is a manifestation of uncertainty in your own self-worth. No one can tell you you're good enough. It's something you need to grow in to knowing. I promise it get's easier. And one day you're going to look back and realize, you were always good enough. You were always the person you needed to be to have what you wanted. Your perception of yourself was all that held you back, and that's okay. We all deal.

   Anyhey, after this all happened and I realized how silly I had been, I wrote meself a song (as I often do to learn lessons). I called it, "Luck Favours the Bold". Which is another way of saying, there is no luck, so have courage. It should be noted that the song started by being about that girl, but somewhere along the line became about every time I let it slip through my fingers. Enjoy.


Luck Favours the Bold
written by James Everett

It's your eyes girl, I think that they've got me pinned to the wall
And your smile well, could cause any man to trip and fall
But I've been here before, and though fingers itch to rest upon your face
It's been a while and these weathered feet, they fear to change the pace

Oh, but if you knew my heart's desire
Would you tell me "Luck favours the bold"
And if you knew I'd walk through fire
Would you hold me or say, "Luck favours the bold"

Any man may court your lust, but he won't know your mind
And it's a shame cause, I think that I might know what's inside
So I stay strong, stay steady, and get your back til you are through
At the same time, I know that this is not the one for you

Oh, but if you knew my heart's desire
Would you tell me "Luck favours the bold"
And if you knew I'd walk through fire
Would you hold me or say, "Luck favours the bold"

Now the time has come at last
For me to show my heart for true
But before I speak you turn to me and whisper
"I've never had a friend like you"

So on and on this soulful song
Played in my head a thousand times
Will be that old reprise that haunts me
And keeps you in my dreams tonight

Next time I hear my heart's desire
I'll know, Luck favours the bold
And now I've surely walked through fire
And now I know, Luck favours the bold

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