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Thursday, January 27, 2011

day 24: we deal, we deal

I found out today that my guitar, my beautiful Martin was cracked because of dehydration. Then I had a communication break down (more like nuclear meltdown) that resulted in me not preparing myself for a rehearsal where I was playing guitar on a very difficult tune that I barely kept together. I've spent most of my day stressed and tense and with my head swirling full of things I can't quite grasp. Slow it down, Mary would say. You don't need to experience and react, just slow it down. Breathe. Okay. I'm breathing.

   Today was a bad day. There's no way to sugar coat it. There simply aren't enough positive things for me to list to outweigh the shit storm that accompanied my day. And my brain is so full of cotton and agitation that I can't form a lot of coherent thoughts. 

   That's okay, just slow it down. Today you'll feel sorry for yourself. Today you'll allow a bit of weak so tomorrow you an dig up a bit of strong. You're a human being, and you're good enough. You're a human being and you're damn good at it, even if you don't always win. Even if you're not always right. Slow it down. So people disappoint you; remember the people who inspire you. So expectations aren't always met; remember the goals you have reached and try harder. So pain has found a space in you today; don't force it away. Pain is an old friend who will visit once in a while. Greet it like an old friend and give it a fond farewell. Chaos is his brother. Welcome them both with open arms. They're like Jehovah's witness'. If you pretend they're not there they'll just come knockin' the next day. Invite them in, serve them coffee. Respect their presence but don't let them linger.

   Slow breaths. I'm fine. It's fine. Tomorrow you're going to start laying the foundations for something better than today. Tomorrow you will deal, like we all deal.

   Some readers are not welcome. You are the ones who read for information, not for meaning. You miss the point and make my life less enjoyable. Please search elsewhere for entertainment. I have no responsibility to you.

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