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Saturday, January 8, 2011

day 5: tobogganing, train rides and other modes of moving along

Snow, snow, snow, snow, SNOOW!!!! Today was a day of making the most of it, and I had a lot of fun.

   It started with a photoshoot for a new music school I joined, then found me on the TTC talking to a relative stranger about life as a musician (something I'll come back to). The transit was taking me to a café called Snakes & Lattes, my first time ever and it was SOOOO cool. Imagine a large cafe with its largest wall covered end to end with shelves containing every board game you could possibly imagine. Pay $5 to get in and stay as long as you want. BAD. ASS. Met up my friend Ben there for a game and later joined with friends for an impromptu stab at the christie pits via crazy carpet and honest ed's toboggan (which broke 40 minutes in, naturally). All this ending in a freezing TTC ride home, a change into pajama pants (which by some stroke of serendipity had been on the floor near the heating vent) and now sitting here typing this. And then now. And then now. And then now.

   Today was especially special for one good conversation with a guy who's name I won't remember. Not I can't. I CHOOSE not to remember.

   The conversation was about what we were doing with music. This goes back a little to what I was discussing (with myself) yesterday, but basically we were sitting there reflecting on what we'd done to be where we were. It seemed like a series of steps, slowly disconnecting ourselves from the occupations/commitments that were unsavoury and replacing them with something a little closer to "right". I had gone from multiple retail jobs (literally, EVERY retail job in technology) to teaching 45 private students a week, to studio manager at this beautiful studio in Etobicoke and still teaching on the side. This year I struck out with just the studio and random corporate/wedding gigs to pay my way. To clarify, teaching was something I loved doing (if not with so many students I couldn't remember half their names), but the travel out of Toronto and boss there (who was two tracks short of an LP) made the job less than desirable, despite loving my students. The one day of teaching I've recently picked up has been with an awesome friend who's starting up her own school and is right down the street from me. In all respects a better situation. Plus I have a cute coworker. Who has a boyfriend. TYPICAL!

   Anyway, I get caught up some times imagining all the things my band has not managed to do that I wish we could have. Keep in mind this is different from the issue yesterday where I'm comparing myself to others' success, but rather where I set up an expectation for myself and somehow fall short. Why can't I find an audience for my music? Why am I not good enough? Why can't I even keep a band together long enough to play a damn show!?*

   The chat with <blank> (Sean? Taroon? Shirley?) gave meaning to an old adage, "Life is the journey, not the destination". Kind of like when I started this blog I was re-evaulating and appreciating the wisdom in the ole glass half full/half empty adage, I think I'm almost ready to really understand the "journey" quote. Today I had a blast, spent some time with amazing people, did a fun shoot with some fellow teachers and on monday I get to go to a multi-million dollar recording facility to spend time with maybe the coolest group of coworkers I have ever had. While I'm there I get to do a job that I may not even be qualified to do with people who for some reason, seem to genuinely respect me**.

   Today I have a lot to appreciate. And even if I haven't done everything I said I'd do at 20, I certainly can't say I'm not getting closer to the life I want to lead and the man I want to be.

Building, managing and letting go of expectations*
Being worthy of your present, your past and your future**

1 comment:

  1. I chose to remember his name is Nathan. Also, someone told me.